Thursday, February 10, 2011

Dirty Laundry

Some months ago, I posted a Facebook Note titled Dirty Laundry.  That post was copied from a "conversation" between myself, my sister, and our birth mother (with a couple of others added in for spice) where much of our family dirty laundry was aired... I honestly don't think that Facebook was the proper forum for the things that we said to each other but I felt at the time that the cruel things she was saying to my sister needed to be refuted in the same forum in which she was saying them...  it started like this...

Susan had been attacked by one of her "rescue" dogs and posted an album showing her injuries


 oh gowd mom that's aweful, i had no idea. i hope all goes well but find some way to get assistance to get rid of that monster.

Janie was trying to show some daughterly concern here, as you can see


The previous owners knew he was a time bomb and they are just glad it wasn't them it happened to..............I will make sure that they don't get away with what they did to him and to me. I am just trying to heal right now................................SueP.S. I extended an invite that still standsand I am looking forward to very much, but you need to know that it is a smoke free home and even the woods are pine and too likely to start forest fires in a pine forest. Just so You Know that. If you smoke you have to carry an ash tray even for the ashes. I have one of those from Amsterdam by the way. It is against the law to even put your ashes on the street over there......I think that is amazing...........Love you Rachel........Sue (Your new meant to be Friend)

Susan totally ignored her post


Wow they actually admtted that ?! well I'm no lawyer so I have no clue what ur rights are in this matter... I will be praying for you! And I would never think of smokng in ur house ever, you will come to find I am veeeerrryyy respectful and considerate. I will buy a mini ashtray ; ) and I'm not a big smoker anyhow : P can't wait! And definetly meant to be, u seem awsome sue : ))

I wish I had my ride now I would have really liked to help u out : ( I hope someone goes out to see u soon .


I am very self sufficient and I like to care for everyone else, but thanks for the good wishes as I will as always make out just fine as long as I have the good thoughts and wishes of the people who care about me... It gives me the strength... I need to get by. Believe me, I thrive from the love...

Your new Buddy,

Susan....XOXOXO and more Hugs.........See You Soon.....Come and Relax at my Home...................

Susan has never CARED for anyone else in her life, including and especially her children but is very good at sucking people into her self-delusion of humanity


rachel u sound sent from heaven. i wish u could go help her out. she's in rough shape and i'm worried about her. her daughter janie. and thank you for being so kind with my mom she needs more ppl like that in her life. we all do.

I missed one post here by Susan, before I could copy it, as Susan deleted these posts and then blocked both Janie and I after my final post.  The gist of her post was that Janie needed to mind her own business, she accused Janie of trying to interfere in her life and friendships, and attacked Janie's recent attempt to get to know her biological father.  Susan claimed in the missing post that Janie's father had molested her... "I caught him putting his cock in your tiny baby mouth"... it was a fairly long post, filled with venom and guilt-tripping.  I couldn't resist the urge to defend my sister, as I've done for most of her life.


 Janie, I really don't know why you bother... she still doesn't believe that Ian McDonald molested me... and she loved me so very much that when I first told her (immediately after I had been screaming for him to get out of my room, get off bed, stop touching me, while she yelled at me to shut-up from her room) she called me a liar and a slut (I was nine, for anyone who cares) and accused me of "trying to drive the only man who ever really loved her" out of her life out of jealousy...

and think about it... she raised you? what a joke!

Needless to say, she was quite put out by my response...  here is hers


I got 200,000.00 and not one cent had anything to do with you and you don't now nor never have had any claim to one cent of it. I have nothing but my home which I owe $120,00.00 on it and since there is no mortgage insurance, when I die, it will revert to the people who hold the mortgage. Why should I pay for insurance that would allow you and your sister to collect from my death, as I would expect the both of you to try and figure some way to have me killed.

Thomas got $1,500.00 because you cried that he needed clothes for school and you spent his money on drugs and cigarettes while he spent all his time alone or with a single friend because you would rather spend your time smoking and legally you had to do it in another room, so that is where he spent all of his time. No wonder the child has no social skills.

Thruthfully, and thank God I never got to know him or even hold him once. You did toss him beside me on the Elliot Lake Transit, once and scared the crap out of him wondering who the person was that you dropped him beside. How cruel a thing to do to a child who had no clue who I was and Me who would have given my right arm to be able to touch and hold him but I couldn't scare him any more than you already had by dumping him on the seat beside, as far as he knew could have been any one because he had never layed eyes on me before that.

I have now and had then, absolutely no reason to feel anything but pain for the poor child who's mother dropped beside a stranger and for the stranger who would have killed to be able to hold and comfort him but I couldn't even talk to him because he had no Idea who I was and I could do nothing but cry for all the lost time that I missed because I was not good enough to be his Grandmother. If he did he probably would have run screaming from me because all of the shit his poor excuse for a Mother had filled his and any one else's head who would listen to the poor hard done by child who never left home until she was 21 yrs old and probably had gotten a better offer someplace else.

You didn't think of me living in a roach infested one room hole in the wall, until it was the only place you had to run to. I took you in every time you had no other place or no one else to take from, and all you could talk about was the vacuum cleaner that you stole from one of your friend's who was foolish enough to befriend you. The only time you ever contributed to the rent I paid to keep a roof over your head whenever you needed one.I am trying like hell to hold on to the only thing that I have ever had, and what you would take from me in a heart beat. I have been sick most of my life because I bled to death giving birth to the other ungrateful vermine who also ran from the sinking ship.I understand that you had to disown me in order to be accepted by your Grandmother that you ran to probably to try and get from her what she was giving to everyone else except the devil's spawn, who she used to hurt me when nothing else worked, but you and your sister were glad to turn on me to be used by her against me.I am sorry for nothing except for the children who never were allowed to know the Grandmother who would have killed for them. They will have the rest of thier lives to decide what they want to do because I never turned them away the same as I never turned away their mothers, when I had every right to and should have to save myself from the both of you.

I hope that you still have each other, because you will never have me to kick around again. I am hanging on with my life to the little I have left after trying to buy love that I never had and found out that I could not buy.

How much did you get for the only thing that you bought for Thomas in my name? (I would bet my life that he never knew that any thing came from me anyway)it was just something that he resented because we were trying to give him some phisical exercise, because he spent all of his time alone in his room away from his mother who wouldn't even give up a filthy habbit like smoking cigaretes to spend some time in the same room as her only son.I feel so sorry for the child who has no one except for a mother who prostitutes herself on the internet for midnight booty-calls, but has no money to buy her son clothes for school, and tries to make me feel guilt for it as if I am the one spending the money that you would never have if he was not handi-capped.

You are almost 40 yrs, old and have nothing but a Son whom I am so sure that you resent and will try to make pay like you tried to make me pay for his mother having nothing but him, who she will never deserve to have.

It cost me thousands of dollars just to get to know you, after you found out that there might be some money in it fir you. If Thomas didn't have you to spend it for him, he would have gotten more than he did, becaise i knew that you would be the one spending it for him.Jon was smart enough not to let his mother know about the money that I gave to him and told to spend it having himself a good time, and that there was no strings attatched, all he had to do was enjoy and that is what he did. I never even heard from him after the initial thanks Grandmother. It was you who told me that I should never have given him anything, and not to let him suck me in any further. he never got to know me either because of a mother who fed him shit abuot me too.I have changed my facebook to I Have No Children, and since my Son died, I haven't had any, and that is the way I want it to stay. You and your sister didn't want me to fight for you when you were in the ccas and if I had known, I would have followed your wishes and possibly I would have someone to love right now. You can't even leave me have a stranger who I met over the internet, you twisted piece of trash.

In spite of you and your sister, I will have a life one day, and I have given up trying to bring either of you into it. That is the way I want it to stay. I have no children, and don't want any. Please just stay out of my life and my friendships with strangers that I meet on the internet, and I will do you the same favour. You deserve the Daddy that you have and I am done trying to protect you from him and any one else . Just please forget that I am alive, and I will do you the same favour..... I will try to find the disc that you want from me and I am sure that I will never see the BlackBerry that I asked to have back, but I am sure you can get a buck or two u=or a pack of smokes or something equally as important to you.

Thomas, You are always welcome in your Grandmothers home, but I won't hold my breath till that happens. Just remember that I do love you for whatever that is worth to you.....

Sincerely and for ever, Grandmother

 I address/rebut many of her statements in one of the next posts, meanwhile...

Another post by Susan directed at me as I was typing the following post
Forget that you know who I am just the way you did until recently. All I want from either of you is not to know you!!


oh, and here's a few more points... Jon didn't tell me about the money you sent him, because he didn't want to tell me he was begging from you... unlike you, I wouldn't take anything from my kids that belonged to them, and he well knows that...on the subject of you "loving" Thomas... I heard on speaker-phone while I visited with Nanny, you say that you can't stand Thomas, any more than you can stand Alysha... and you wonder why I don't want you to have contact with Lilith LMAO! I'm curious, too about the sexual abuse claims against Steven... why is it you've never held anything negative back about anyone in your pitiful life, but you waited almost 40 years to tell anyone about this? (aside from blurting it in court, when it was designed to serve your whims, of course) Nanny, Sharron, Lorraine, Frankie, Danny, me... none of us heard a word about such a thing until Janie got in contact with him... strange coincidence, I think...You claim your mother was abusive, and such a horrible person, but every time you decided to leave our toys and furnature behind during a midnight move, you were always able to go to her for more, weren't you... funny that...

In spite of you, I have two beautiful children who I adore, and who I know love me...In spite of you, I have peace in my life...In spite of you, I like the person who I am, and so do the people who call themselves my friends...

Actually, you know, I learned alot of what I know about parenting from you... I learned not to beat my kids...I learned to pay my bills so I wouldn't lose the roof over their heads, and so I could feed and clothe them, so they wouldn't have to shoplift to eat...I learned not to leave them for days on end so I could go shooting pool and partying...I learned not to call them names, (like 'vermin') and destroy their self-esteem...I learned that telling children "do as I say, not as I do" is hypocritical... there's alot of things I learned by your negative example, too bad you didn't learn the same lessons along the way. I decided at a very young age that I wouldn't be like you, and I think I've mostly succeeded... I'm not perfect, not by a long shot, but I try, and I'll keep trying, I'll keep learning from my mistakes (and yours) for as long as I draw breath.

and one final word... you're sorry for the wrong thing... you shouldn't feel sorry for the children who will not have the chance to know you, you should be sorry for the children who did... for the way you treated them, and especially for Kenny... you know where the responsibility for his death lies, even if you can't admit it to yourself, everyone who knows you, knows the truth too.

P.S.actually, I didn't pretend not to know you, I pretended you were dead, until recently, I only stopped pretending because you have been so ignorant and cruel to Janie, and felt the need to point out a few things... if you keep your word, and ignore us, you won't have to worry about me rubbing the past in your face any more

Her reply was typical, calling me a liar and trying to use my being overweight to hurt me


Have a nice life. And like I said!!! Forget that you know me like you always have when I needed you and I will do the same. For someone who is so sure of herself you certainly can't stop running off at your fat lying mouth, Be happy and leave me out of your life amd everything else. That is all I want!! Do You think that you can handle that??? I don't know nor want to know you, so back the fuck off and I will continue to do the same. Apart from the scars I will have no problem forgetting that you came from me........................

And I replied quite simply, because I didn't think anything more needed saying


you reap what you sow

Once again, she didn't like that... truth hurts when you're a person like she has always been


Don't you understand English?? Forget me and my email and anything else that may connect you to me in any way, and I will be quite happy reaping whatever I sow, will you? Sow? You wil eventually pay for all the things you have done. What goes around Does come around and you have yours comming around any time now.....Both of you......Happy Reaping.................:-)

I wish Janie had refrained from making this comment, because it probably would have ended here if she hadn't


thanks darlene now everyone can be sure just who is what and what is what. i love you kiss that sweet lilith monster for me and jon too if u can. lol


Everyone who knows either of you already know "what" you are and I am ashamed to admit that I am responsible in any way for either of your children having to live out their lives with such wonderful cyber whore Mothers. How many men have either of you found and moved hundreds and thousand of miles, uprooting your children to be with someone that you met over the internet??? And Janie having to move so many times because your photo is in all the stores that you used your autistic son to shoplift with, to feed yourself I guess LOL. At least Thomas has a trade that his mother taught him to keep himself fed when his cyber whore mother is somewhere else doing crack or smoking cigarettes and Pot. Thomas was actually doing well under the care of foster parents who helped him to become more sociable and to realize that there is more to life than living alone in his room with his legos. I wished like everyone else that they would have kept him from you for his own good. He had a wii from his grandmother until his mother pawned it for cigarettes and drugs. I believe what your boyfriend said that you are a crack whore and use your son's handicap money to smoke and do your pot and crack. Anyone would be sick, sucking up all those drugs and it proves that you still have some conscience because you are sick from stealing from your autistic son so you can keep doing crack and smoking pot and cigarettes. Have a great life and forget that I am alive the way you did until you got the smell of the money that I have none of by the way which should make it easier for you to forget.

Good-Bye FOR EVER,


Susan Leslie

Seeing as Janie was the one most attacked in the previous post, I don't blame her for this one, even though all it did was fan the flames


u r the one with hep c u dirty past junkie whore too ugly inside and out now to whore around for crack ur fawking dillusional once again. you know i never wanted to be anything like you but i was already addicted to pot when i moved ...out at 21 becuz u demanded that i recieve welfare and hand it to u. i went to school instead. the vaccuum cleaner i assume is the over 100 thousand dollar set of bag pipes u let ur ex bf beat me and toss me around my room to get back from him so you could steal them from me to pay rent cuz once again we were evicted. because they thought u were a prostitute with all those men in and out all the time, but infact you were mostly just smoking ur dope with them leaving me to grow up in a cloud of it even though you gave it directly to kenny everyday since he turned four. when i moved out of ur hell hole i found out ur pot smoke was helping me eat and sleep which i couldnt do till i finally gave in and tried the pot u sold amber my bf and roommate.See Moreone more thing all that money u got from the government for hep c suppossedly from a blood transfussion 41 years ago, u'd be dead long ago. u got hep c doing needles with joe after i was born.

This next post is from the mother of my niece (my brother's daughter, Alicia) and one from Janie directed at Krissy I Ignored them as I was writing my final post


feel better now that all that laundry is aired out? sorry, couldn't resist. interesting read though, i suppose.


hi krissy how's things i hope well. i don't even know why we don't talk. i miss u. why dont you tell us all about her sons penial scars and lets figure out how that happend we know it was because "he was retarded useless piece of shit boy, but was it self hatred or done by the sick twisted dilluiosion so and so???

The Final Word(s) after which, Susan deleted these posts, and blocked Janie and I, as well as Krissy and Rachel


you truly are totally insane.  You couldn't keep your word, so here's a few more of mine...
Of all people, you are the last one who should be throwing stones, from your glass house

You deliberately got pregnant at 15, because you wanted to spite your mother... how many guys did it take?  how many abortions before you decided to keep me?  how many after me before Kenny?  how many before Janie?  You've admitted to 3 between Janie and Kenny, and I've now heard about several after Janie before they finally made you get fixed...  all that before abortion was "cool"....and how about the time Steven took your teeth?he was at work, earning money to support YOUR children... only Janie was his... he bought you those teeth, but took them back when he found out you were sucking the cock of the drug dealer next door.  Wasn't it stuff like that every time he hit you?  Finding out you were screwing around on him... or that you'd left your kids to go hang out with hookers and pimps at the bar down the street?  how many tricks did you turn during those years?And of course, there's the fact that Janie was born addicted to herion... the slow growth, and brittle teeth she has... not to mention the mental and emotional issues she's had since birth are known symptoms... I SAW you shoot yourself up, you of my earliest memories, you with your big belly, with a turniquet, and needle in your arm, riding the big wave... remember how it feels?... I sure remember how it looked.  On that subject... Kenny had ALL the markers for FAS, every one of them.How many times did you beat and berate him for being a boy? How many times did you threaten to cut off his penis for him?'Sucky Baby Susie" you'd call him... always thought that was weird, using your own name to humiliate your son... and yea, I know I joined in, but I was just a kid, following what my mother was doing... what's your excuse?  Kenny got joints for his birthday one year... I think he was two... I remember people bringing two joints each to the party... everyone thought it was so cool, all your young male "friends", that you let your son "entertain" by getting stoned, and walking around bumping into things, and falling down... yeah, really funny, but you blame that on Danny and Frankie... you blame them for introducing you to pot... what a laugh... you admited you were smoking when you got pregnant with me, but Danny was only 9 when I was born, and Frankie was 10... a little young for introducing an older sibling to anything, I think most would agree.You blame Ken Sr. and Carol Richer for us ending up in Childrens Aid in Montreal, but it was you who abandoned us at the welfare office... we sat there all day... our mother had walked out, saying we were no longer her responsibility... I think the quote was "you won't give me money, you keep them" as you walked away.Each of our fathers would have gladly taken us... Steven was doing fostering at the time, they found him quite easily... and he helped find Arnold... only Ken Sr. held out, because you'd assured him that if he took your son (who you've repeatedly said you never wanted in the first place) that you'd hunt him down and kill him... not because you loved your son, but because he was your property... You talk about Janie throwing her son at you on a bus... what about when you dragged me across the island of Montreal to Dorval...?  Remember what you did there?  You wouldn't tell me where we were going, or who were were going to see... when we got there, and the door opened, you said "here's your daughter, I'll be back later" and you walked away, leaving me standing on the doorstep of a man I hadn't seen in my memory... a man who you implied was dead,  every time I asked about my father you would start singing... "a little girl was waiting for her daddy one day, and when it was time to meet him, she heard her momma say, come to momma darling, and please do not cry, daddy's gone to heaven, way up in the sky..." that song is in my head every time I think of him, and now, he really is dead without me ever getting to know him... After you got us back from CAS, you started up with the child-molester, Ian McDonald... he beat you, hit me, molested me, right from the first day in our home, you stood by my bed and forced me to accept a massage from him, because I complained my back was sore, and that was why I wasn't asleep when you got him home... it was my lower back that was bothering me, but it was my breasts he spent his time trying to massage... remember, I was wearing one of your old, streched out dici bras that didn't fit you anymore, by that time...  I stuck a knife in him one day, I've no idea what he told you about it, but it was after you had called me a slut and punished me for lying about him molesting me, and I had realized that never again could I trust you to help me... it was alot of years after that before I stopped being afraid of you, but that's the exact time I stopped having any respect for you...You went away to Mexico for your birthday... you were supposed to be gone for two weeks, but you hurt your mouth smoking dope in the bathroom of the plane... broke your teeth... ha, those damned teeth again!  John McPeak stayed with us for those two weeks, which was ok... he was cool, never hit us, there was food on the table every night... but then he had to go away to work, and we were left alone except for some visits from a couple of your friends (including Carol Richer) until after Easter... Jan 10 is way more than 2 weeks from Easter, no matter how early Easter comes in a given year... John McPeak came back in time for Easter, and planted money in lieu of eggs and chocolate... he was a genuinely good guy, too bad he wasn't your type... the nice guys never were, were they?  Oh, and regardless of what stories you might come up with now, he WAS good to us, and never did anything to hurt us, unlike Ian...  unlike any of the men that came into my bedroom after you fell asleep... ever wonder how many there were?  Ever wonder how many men you failed to even try to protect me from?  How many did you accuse me of trying to steal from you?  Do you remember?  I do.I just stopped telling you about it after Ian... I slept with that knife after Ian... does that make you proud?  or were you actually sending them to me all that time?  you couldn't satisfy them, so sent them to have a shot at me?  I certainly wouldn't put it past you... you did try to sell Janie, after all...Did you know that my children have to ask to get hugs from me?  that they have never been able to throw themselves into my arms in surprise, because if I don't know they're coming, I push them away... my therapist says it's because I was abused and beaten and molested as a child... it's become part of my instinctive responses to push all unexpected contact away for fear of additional abuse... I have severe arthritis in my lower spine from impact injuries... you're the only one who has EVER hit me there... you used to put your boots on when you'd gotten me down, and then kick the crap out of me... I have scaring on my ribs, legs and arms, from blunt-force trauma, that shows in x-rays... there's a picture at Nanny's that shows the mark of your sapphire ring on my upper lip...but no, you were never abusive, were you... you were the perfect mother... what a joke...No one in this world scares me any more... not since I was 24 and realized that you sent me away at 14 because YOU were scared of ME. I've NEVER hit you, though you surely deserved more than a few beatings from me... I did leave nail marks on your legs that day you tackled me on the lawn and you tried to beat my face off the pavement... the LAST time you laid hands on me because I fought back... but even you would have to agree, if you weren't so delusional, that those marks were self defence... of course, you told the entire family that I had hit you... that I had started the whole thing... funny that, I got asked when I got to Nanny's what my side was, and they believed me... wonder why?  the patches of hair that were missing, and the nail marks on my head and ears helped alot there... thanks) THAT was why Nanny demanded that you give over custody, not the money she might get from baby bonus, or any excuse about registering me for school, it was so I would never have to go back to you... she would have taken Janie and Kenny too, but you needed to keep your welfare cheque, and wouldn't hear of it... probably would have been glad to get rid of them, if not for that monthly cheque... good thing you got so sick before Janie moved out, isn't it?  right from welfare to disability!!  good for you!As for the subject of money... according to your story, that money has EVERYTHING to do with me... isn't that how you claimed to get HepC? the blood transfusion when you were giving birth to me?  you are so full of shit it's surprising that your eyes aren't brown!  Wonder what the government would do if I went to them and told them the truth... think they'd ask for the money back?  could you give it back?  you got HepC shooting drugs with dirty needles, and you know it well.   Oh, and I don't want one red cent, never asked, never came sniffing, never will... I wish I could give you back everything you have ever given me... not that there was much, after the DNA... mostly bruises, cuts, welts and tears, but I'd return them all, if you were worth my effort... don't worry, you're not

I truly wish Janie had respected my wishes about you having contact with my son, but she was young... she still thought then that you had redeeming qualities... she was wrong, and I forgive her completely, but you hurt my son with your guilt-trips, so why are you so surprised that he only goes to you for money?  he doesn't come to me for money... but he does come to visit me... we have, absolutely, had our problems, unlike you, I am able to admit that I wasn't the perfect parent to him, but I tried, and as he's grown up, he's come to understand that... I didn't beat him, hardly ever hit him after he learned to talk, as a matter of fact, and I made sure he always had milk in the fridge... he didn't grow up on nothing but peanut butter, bologna and kraft dinner like 3 kids I can name... I did indeed uproot him to come to Alberta, and I don't regret it in the least... Jon spent more quality time with his father in the first year after I came here than he did in the previous 5 years... he didn't know how to read when he got here, after grade 4, but the school system here was so much better for him that he was reading at a grade 9 level by the end of grade 5... they tried to tell me he was learning disabled in Ontario, and they wanted to warehouse him, but here they TAUGHT him instead... surely you've read his poetry?  his spelling leaves something to be desired, but he CAN write, and he's GOOD!!!  And sure, there were boyfriends, even a couple of one-night stands that I brought home during his teens... but he certainly wasn't exposed to them constantly from his infancy like 3 other kids I can name... I never cheated on his father, and I had already told Ed I was leaving, and asked for a divorce, before I even chatted with the guy I came out here with.  And best of all, my coming here limited the amount of contact Jon could have with you.  Nope, no regrets at all.As for Lilith, she'll never know you... never know the guilt trips, never know the emotional and verbal abuse... she'll ask about you, I'm sure, and I'll tell her whatever she wants to know that is age appropiate... she'll never WANT to meet you...

For years, Kenny was the only one of your children who would tolerate you, and you got him killed...yes, that's right, I'm finally saying what everyone in the family who knows the details thinks... you agreed to trade drugs for a dog, then decided to keep the dog, but the drugs were gone... you moved out, leaving Kenny holding the bag, when he got beaten as a message to you, you told him it was his problem and then he was dead!! does your delusion really let you keep denying your responsibility?For how you treated him, I will never, ever forgive you.

I can picture you now, howling out your hurt over the nasty "lies" I've told here, but in your heart, you know that every word is true, screaming, and probably throwing things at your dogs, kicking them for trying to comfort you... I know you... like you never cared to know me, and now, never will. Pray all you want, call out to all the gods that have ever existed, you will never find true peace until you can admit to yourself at least, the person you've always prided yourself in being... you've never cared for anyone or anything that didn't give you something in return...You need healing in your soul, and I truly hope you can find it, but I doubt that you ever will because admitting who you were/are is too horrible for you to contimplate.  I don't hate you, I pity you. 

From here on in, no matter what I see you write, or hear that you've said, you won't have to worry about hearing from me. Pretend I am dead, and I'll do you the same favour... even if you don't, I still will, I don't need your poison in my life.

Every word I wrote is the truth as I remember it... and this entire post is a perfect example of the kind of life I have had.  As I mentioned in the info for this blog, it gets graphic

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